Words Are But Crutches to Paint Insipid Hues

We'd quite a time, didn't we?

2011-12-04T11:33:00.001+05:30

Wrote a poem after many years. Strange that poems flow out of my pen only when I am melancholic.

We'd quite a time, betwixt
The charming smile, yours;
And poor sarcasm, mine.
The casual questions, yours;
And tedious answers, mine.

We'd quite a time, betwixt
The elegant dressing, yours;
And unpretentious gazes, mine.
The patient listening, yours;
And foolish gibberish, mine.

We'd quite a time, betwixt
The fast track promotions, yours;
And managerial brawls, mine.
The globe trotting vacations, yours;
And wilderness escapades, mine.

We'd quite a time, betwixt
The playful indifference, yours;
And gentle advances, mine.
Sharing cribs and whine,
Ah! the joys when we'd dine.

Hope to stay in touch, betwixt
The new chapter in life, yours;
And vagabond dreams, mine.

-- Shashank

A Dream

2011-07-27T17:05:00.004+05:30

"I dreamed death came the other night,
And heaven’s gate swung wide.
With kindly grace an elderly angel
Ushered me inside.
And there to my astonishment,
Stood folks I’d labeled
As unfit, of little worth.
Indignant words came to my lips,
But never, were set free.
For every face, showed stunned surprise,
Not one expected me."

– Jack Exum, “The Wisdom Box”

Which Ville do you live in?

2011-07-10T13:05:00.005+05:30

An interesting conversation with an anonymous stranger:

Stranger: hello my little friend

You: hello

You: are u from giantville ?

Stranger: no

Stranger: what's that?

Stranger: olh

Stranger: my bad

Stranger: I was born there

You: lol

Stranger: but we moved to regularville

You: oh, not hunting in smallville?

Stranger: nah became too boring

Stranger: and I am a big person

Stranger: so I need tons of meat

You: ha ha

Stranger: regularville can offer me that

Stranger: I hope you don't live in regularville

You: and u still come to strangerville ?

Stranger: yeah from time to time

Stranger: just to tickle my tastebuds

You: i live in faroffville

Stranger: Oh i know that

Stranger: it's far away

You: exactly!

Stranger: someday I will come visit your village

Stranger: so be aware

You: welcome

Stranger: thanks

Stranger: for being so welcoming

You: instead thank you, for a great start to a conversation. I was getting so bored with ppl asking "m/f" and "asl"

Stranger: hahaha xD

Stranger: it was my pleasure

You: so what do u do for a living ?

Stranger: besides hunting?

Stranger: I am still in school

Stranger: how about you?

You: i work in a _____ firm

Stranger: oh cool

Stranger: how old are you if I may ask?

You: m young :p

Stranger: haha ok xD

You: so what do u study ?

Stranger: I'm going to study psychology if it works out

You: oo la la

You: i keep reading minds, never read the theory though

Stranger: haha cool

Stranger: so what kinda mind do I have according to you?

You: a creative one

You: u search joys in nonchalance of everyday life

Stranger: that is quite accurate

Stranger: you are a profiler

You: i dunno what's that

Stranger: do you know the show criminal minds?

You: no, am really in faroffville!

Stranger: Haha no cable tv in faroffville?

You: lol

You: there is, but different channels. different drama too :P

Stranger: haha ok xD

Stranger: but I have to go now

Stranger: It was nice talking to you

You: it was a great pleasure.

it hurts

2007-01-29T02:52:00.000+05:30

It hurts. I knew it will hurt. I saw it coming. But I did not budge. Well, I am not a matador. I am not a masochist. I am not insane. But I can't help being optimistic, I can't help trying to make things happen. I can't help trying to make people smile around me. That I make a fool of myself, in the process, is irrelevant to me. Everytime I get into a relationship I am overjoyed. I dream a lot but I am not a day-dreamer. I try to put things into perspectives but the perspectives are dictated by my heart and not my head. I like being myself. I don't wish to bear the pain sometimes. Sometimes I know the sweet and the sour come together. I think too much. I sleep too less. Life is not easy without you Gudia, Life is not life without you....

The brightest chap !!

2007-01-24T22:44:00.000+05:30

It's been a long time since I wrote. Rather, since I blogged. (remember I write for a living as well). What have I been doing all these days? I wish I knew the correct answer. I wish someone with a chirpy voice like the voice-over artist who tapes for the courses I design comes and tells me "That's correct. Click Next to Continue."

I wish there was a "next" button to scroll through life. But I would also like a "previous" button to go back and relive the fond memories. The complexities of this simple life amaze me !

It was late in the evening, an evening which followed a day which came and went by without registering much in my memory. And there were no signs of the evening becoming memorable either. The maddening traffic which seems to move one inch a time ( that might be an understatement but not an exaggeration) only aggravated my melancholy. Suddenly, my phone rang.......an unknown caller
had decided to wake me from reverie, That helps to break the Auto-Pilot mode of riding which I have gotten used to.

Caller: "arrrrrey Pandey ji, where are you?"
Pandey *#@%.............which pandey ji?

I have been receiving calls from people asking for everyone from plumber, to army recruitment secretary, to the laundry guy,...........the list is endless and the variety unmatched.

Me: "there's no pandey ji over here"

Caller: " arrrrey pandey ji, you didn't recognise me .....I am mishra, your panwallah"

So this call turned out to be from a shopkeeper who used to sell cigarettes to me and would never call me by my name......I have no idea how and when I become pandey ji...........but the name stuck.
But why would he call me? I had stopped going to his shop, the last time I went to his shop was four months ago and I had never been his regular customer. Somehow, with rattled nerves, I managed to say "Yes" when he asked me to come over to his shop. As expected, it turned out that he wanted some loan. Loan .,,,,,,,,,,okay I will dish the meagre amount I can manage..... But that wasn't all....................like all pan wallahs....... Mishra is big-mouthed and shrude. He will talk endlessly, he seems to have an opinion about everything under the sun. I was thinking on these lines, not really hearing what he was saying.....then it struck me
"Most of us have opinions about everything."

A few drags and endless blah blah blah.....annoying my ears........he too started his story of woes.........and I was fast running out of patience,.........then I saw someone tugging at my pants...........there was this young chap of hardly eight years, dressed in rags ..............
I don't like offering alms..........for I myself need alms of a different sort, which I can't ask from anyone at all.

But I was impressed with the refreshing smile on his face despite his hardships......he offered his hand for a handshake ........and to my sweet surprise Akshay (he told me his name while shaking hands) managed to do a few handshake tricks which seemed so funky !!
Akshay begs next to this small shop, all day........and I should say he earns his family of four 20 rupees a day, At an age where he should be playing with friends, the passersby play with him and his emotions.......with lewd remarks , endless thrashings and coin tossed arrogantly if it manages to come out of their Lewi's pockets at all.................Akshay impressed me, with the brightest eyes I have ever seen and a smile that won't leave his lips, no matter what comes.........he is sheer pleasure to talk to. Akshay was hungry and a dose of generosity won't have harmed me. So, I got him a cup of hot coffee.......it was a chilly night....and a omelette toast....He ate with delight but not the way the beggars are depicted eating in bollywood flicks........We talked for a few minutes before a man came up and spanked him hard on the back.......Okay, so this must be his father.......dressed in decent clothes with a obnoxious smell of hooch painted all over........he was spanking Akshay so that he parts with his day's earnings...So that was the end of it..........Akshay had to leave ........and the smile on his lips had turned into tears rolling down his cheeks......I came back home..........and that night I had a reason to think........I thought about Akshay. I thought about helping him somehow............but I know I can't do much........not because I don't want .......but because circumstances won't let anyone outside his family help him......

Thanks Akshay................... You made me a human again .............

I go everyday to that shop now................and I bear the garrulous Mishra.....because when Akshay comes with a smile on his lips................my spirits soar.....and I feel alive again.....

Thanks Akshay, you made my day, everyday in the last fortnight.

Optimism Displayed !

2007-01-09T14:01:00.000+05:30

A colleague sent this awesome image. Optimists can never fail to find hope !!

Memories

2007-01-08T12:59:00.000+05:30

I discovered this poem in my old dairy. I used to be a "romantic" poet, in school days !!

And i close my eyes & lo
it's gone ,the mist all around
I feel it for the upmteenth time
A beautiful thought, an image so profound
She's the journey , she's the goal
she's my heart ,she's my soul
Drink ,not sip ,i 'll from her bosom
Nectar of love, she's the rivulet divine
She needn't be a beauty queen
To creep into my heart ,to reign supreme
I meet her almost daily
Hitherto,she remains unseen
She' s a gushing stream
of love ,caring ,& other things pristine
She would stroll alonside,my walk of life
She would be my best friend ,my beloved ,my wife
The touch of her hand ,the twinkle in her eyes
Shall sustain me ,in all my fights
on sweaty days & chilly nights
The first kiss,till eternity it would last
While i forget ,the present & the past
when her body will melt into mine
She'll teach me what's lust sublime
In her lap ,I'll forget everything mine
She's my connection to the divine
For my entry ,heaven's door will be ajar
Distanced I 'll ,from low thoughts ,afar
The compassion ,gentle softness of her heart
Would make me a man ,the beast set apart
She would connect with everyone's pain
And I 'll fall in her love , all over again
I 'll fleet into her lap
the cradle of love ,holding her hand
Shielding my face ,tresses silky and long
Ideal setting ,it shall be for my swansong
With a clutch of arms , depth of her eyes
She'll say it all ,without a word said at all
What's sprung from heart , shall reach the heart
And even If all this's a dream , nobody can set us apart.

--Shashank

Will over the Wall

2006-12-31T11:49:00.000+05:30

I have known this guy for some years now. I have seen this guy tide over the good, the bad and the ugly times. Mr. D, is a close acquaintance and a friend ;)

I met this guy through a common friend and I knew this association is destined for a long innings. Tragically, the next time I met him, he was devastated. His father had expired a few months back and her mom was on the death bed. Although, not very close, something made me go and stay at the hospital the whole night through. Not that, it could have helped him anyways, but for me I don't know exactly what but something made me stop. Well, her mom couldn't brave the cancer but his spirits did brave all those tumultuous moments. He was left with an elder brother, who think he is superhuman, and therefore a complete waste of intelligence; and a sister who didn't care much. The only sane person from his family, I met was the outsider, his brother–in–law.

Life goes on.... He found love next door...a brick wall, not thicker than 6", separated him from his girlfriend and the distance he had to cover to tide over that wall was enormous.

A dulcet voice greeted me this morning while I was still in bed, to tell me that the wall had finally been breached. He finally married the girl he loved, and amazingly her parents made a complete turnaround at the last moment, finally giving their kind consent. ( they would have married anyways ;) )

I am told, in my absence, there was a man stranger than me in the marriage ceremony........some German engineer, who wanted to watch an Indian wedding...........well, we are certainly known for our hospitality and I saw a pic of this German wearing a traditional Maharashtrian turban....

Did I hear something being said about Will over the Wall ?? ;)

Near You

2006-12-27T13:09:00.000+05:30

I haven't ever seen you,
But I know you're really there;
I click you into reality
Like magic from the air.

Your voice is like an angel,
Though I really do not hear;
Your hug as warm as any
Of loved ones I hold dear.

You're always there for comfort,
Or a word of cheer;
Though you are very far away,
I always have you near.

You're a very special friend,
Like none I've ever known;
As long as you're in cyberspace
I'll never be alone.

~Anonymous~

I Have A Little Garden

2006-12-27T12:54:00.000+05:30

I have a little garden
No flowers will you find.
Instead you'll see the friendships
That I have made online.

They grow from something other
Than normal flowers do.
They thrive on love and support
And understanding too.

This special little garden
No matter rain or shine.
Is always in bloom
This special place of mine.

It's filled with fun and laughter
Where happiness abounds.
This lovely garden echoes
Many joyful sound.

I would like for you to know
That you are planted here.
In my "Friendship Garden"

Our hearts are always near.

~Anonymous~

My reply to a blog-post

2006-12-27T12:49:00.000+05:30

With changing times and changing realties, it's no wonder that the forms of expression change as well.

what is blasphemous today might be a ritual tomorrow.

Why try to make sense of everything?

Why not give in to sheer bliss of doing what pleases you?

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.
--Anais Nin

The Day that was Christmas

2006-12-27T11:07:00.000+05:30

I have enjoyed another Christmas !!

--Sarah McLachlan, Wintersong (From the eponymous album released in Oct,2006)

The jingle of bells and the contagious smiles on the faces of the children singing Carols at the church are pure bliss.

Christmas is fun !!

As in the recent past, I managed to make it to a Church, in time to attend some prayers ;),on the sunny Christmas morning. This year Christmas was different though.
For some years, I have been visiting Gudia on Christmas and the joy on her face is more than enough for a reason to enjoy the long, really long ride that I need to take to her city.

Somehow, things have not been all that pretty in Gudia’s life and so it has had its appalling effect on my life as well. My biker instincts were sure to get the better of my brains, and I was about to hop onto my bike.........on Christmas eve.....and vroom..........................but then she called.........

And all my hopes of walking with her, hand-in-hand to church went spiralling down to abyss. I tried sleeping, but sleep doesn't seem happy being my companion anymore............
I remembered that Shine, a stranger who became a treasured friend in 4 days and who has stayed in close conversation for many years, had gifted me a Cross he had cut out of some hand made paper. On the other side of the cross were the words, "Jesus Loves You Too".
And the ever present optimist in me, latched onto the ray of hope again. I thought of calling up Shine but then I recalled he had shifted to another town.

Thinking..............thinking and ..............thinking.......

....behold................. Its 8 a.m. and a sunny Christmas morning..........

Now, no use thinking anything.............I better rush to the nearest Church I know.............in Pune it can be a difficult task. I was hesitating a bit, because I had never been to this church before and unlike the congregation there I am not so good at reciting the Psalms, I don't agree with many of them, and I am not a Christian by faith or birth. But then it was Christmas........and I love Christmas and I love to hear the carols, and I love the joy of praying together in church.
The exchange of pleasantries, a few corny questions answered and then all the joys that only a
Christmas Mass can provide....

It was wonderful...............and then Mr. Ann, another close friend, who shares an understanding unmatched, invited me for dinner.

It was a great Christmas...............and it was fun.......... but I wonder how was the smile that danced on those pretty lips...........................................Alas! I had taken that long ride.

Christmas will never be the same again ...........................

Making Sense when Sensuality Beckons?

2006-12-22T12:59:00.000+05:30

Yesterday, I was enjoying a cup of black coffee and some small talk when a friend of mine asked me why would I wish to sleep with Ms. X and not with Ms. Y ? (Please don't think I won't be interested in sleeping with Mrs. Z, I would love that too.)

I tried answering the innocuous question posed by this gentle soul, but I knew my answer won't be clearly understood. Now that I have spent the better part of last night mulling over the question, I am better prepared to answer the question.

First and foremost, is the inchoate something; which can't be explained but seen in the eyes. Something bright, something lively, something that reminds me of childhood and nostalgic memories. Add to that gamut of nostalgia and cheerfullness, a look of understanding that defies everything else. This creates a spellbinding concoction which attracts me more than anything else.

Secondly, I think but not from my head. I have learnt how to defy reason. Thank GOD, I have learnt that. Reason can be so finicky at times that it can't actually be complete without its presumptions. Sometimes sparks fly, and I would prefer not to make sense when sensuality beckons.

Love, oh yes ! That's one thing I can't separate (most of the times) from the idea of sleeping with a female. But love, to me doesn't require being toghether for long. It can be an ephemeral moment
of joy, fleeting but full of itself, and full of bliss. The sweetness of it, sure to last a lifetime.

Remembrance is a form of meeting.
Forgetfulness is a form of freedom.

-Kahlil Gibran

I tried thinking more, I tried to come up with an answer consistent with my thoughts, consistent with my beliefs.........only to realize that there is no correct answer.... there can never be a correct answer to a partially correct question.

I wish to sleep with Ms. X and Mrs. Z, because I wish to sleep with them.....

Gentle soul, does that sound good for an answer??

ah–ME–aah !!

2006-12-15T10:54:00.000+05:30

Before the creative juices begin to flow, I must dispell any doubts :)

This is the suggested pronunciation of the acronym–EMEA
(Europe, the Middle East and Africa).

And yes, its a lady's suggestion !!

Equal......of course NOT !!!

2006-12-13T17:22:00.000+05:30

With so much talk about gender equality and feminism flying around,
I can't resist the tempation to pen down my take on that. Moreover, the beautiful women in my life never fail to provide me a moment of reverie when I have to give in to the cacophony of arguments and counter-arguments on these lines.

Men and Women are Equal.

Isn't it ?

Of course ...NOT !!!

Hold on. Before you write me off as another male chauvinist, not that I care anyways, let me complete my testimony.

Feminism was born with the motive of female emancipation. But is that what it does?
Men and Women were created UNEQUAL. We have different domains, different abilities, different thinking and its a happy co-incidence that sometimes these overlap. Some things are more suited to Men and others more suited to Women.
Feminism, if it preaches that women should compete with men in all walks of life in a bid to prove their point and outsmart men, is itself flawed.

What's the sense in such competition?
What good shall come out of such competition?

Personally, I would do and let others do what they wish to do without gender bias.
Emancipation has a pre-requisite in understanding. If we are not comfortable with the idea that men and women were created with equally good abilities in unequal areas, we can never fail to overlook the beauty of life.

I am fiercely protective of the women in my life, not because they can't do without my protection, but because I like to pamper them.

What's a man if he can't stand up for himself and for the women in his life?
What's a woman if she can't divine the secrets of the hearts of the men in her life without any words being spoken?

My girlfriend might be capable of hauling up 80 kgs. of luggage, but I won't be a man if I let her do that.

A need needn't justify our action when it comes to gender traits.

Men and Women are unequal, gifted differently and excelling differently.

The beauty lies in the difference.

A Sly Smile

2006-12-06T20:36:00.001+05:30

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
- Albert Einstein

Life has been generous in bestowing me with occassions when a sly smile dances upon my lips and I feel exhilarated and flabbergasted in the same moment. It happened again sometime ago. An overzealous and antsy soul drifted to sleep after long hours of doing nothing. The last glance at the table clock was at 3:30 a.m. The gong sounded at 6:30 a.m. and the dreary soul woke up with swollen eyes. A hot shower and a steaming cup of strong black coffee did restore some semblance of normalcy but then normal is so boring. or is it ?

8:30 a.m. and the unsuspecting soul walks into office.
"Oh God !! So much work; when will relief come?"

A few small tasks have been finished and its now 11:00 a.m.

"why hasn't the morning tea arrived as yet?"

A call to the reception and an office boy rushes to help sans the much awaited cup.

"Get me a cup of tea, please."

"No tea today", pat came the reply.

":( .........but why?"

"no tea on holidays"

A cursory glance at the empty worstations around and the realisation dawns upon the unsuspecting soul.

'Oh fuck! I have come to office on a weekend"

And I am on my way back home with the same old smile dancing upon my lips.............;)

Sarah Brightman - Deliver me

2006-12-05T21:12:00.000+05:30

Deliver me, out of my sadness.
Deliver me, from all of the madness.
Deliver me, courage to guide me.
Deliver me, strength from inside me.

All of my life I've been in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me, loving and caring.
Deliver me, giving and sharing.
Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing.

All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me,
Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.

All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me.

--Sarah Brightman, "Deliver Me" (Single released in 1999)

If Only Pain

2006-12-05T20:59:00.000+05:30

If only words could ease the pain
speak , i would ,over and over again.
I empathasize with you , but I know
How hollow are our sympathies
Only the diseased can admire
The mammoth grief of ailment
Strange are the laws of life
And stranger still 're emotions
we love people all the time
And more so when they 're gone
Now that he's gone , I call him a thief
For he has stolen a part of you forever
You 'll learn to live without , I agree , yet
memories 'll chase you ,on a haunting spree
Bemused you shall feel to find
remembrance of joys you had had together
To add on to the multitude of pain
Cry my dear as much as you can
For tears 're farewell gifts to the gone
I don't promise you , all I can ,so that u forget him
I do so ,so that I can see you crying again
Tears gushing ,'cause you will remember
How good a person , he had been.

--Shashank

MAN IN THE GLASS

2006-12-05T16:01:00.000+05:30

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you king for a day.
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,
See what that man has to say.
For it isn’t your father or mother or wife,
Whose judgment upon you must pass;
The fellow, whose verdict counts,
Is the one staring back from the glass.
Some people think that you are a straight shooting chum,
And call you a wonderful guy;
The man in the glass says, “You are only a bum”.
If you can’t look him in the eye,
He’s the fellow to please never mind the rest,
For he’s with you clear up to the end.
And you have passed your most difficult test,
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass;
But your final reward will be heartache and tears,
If you have cheated the man in the glass.

-Anonymous

The Complexities Of A Simple Life

2006-12-05T12:09:00.000+05:30

I have heard so many people admit being overwhelmed by the complexities of life. I had no inkling of the chain of thoughts that will crisscross my mind if I started thinking in the same way.

That was untill, I actually did.

Life seems complex with so many chores, so many assumed responsibilities, so many mad dashes to participate in, so many desires and an even bigger bundle of emotions that make and break us. I feel depressed for hours when i try to make sense out of it. I try sleeping but sleep won't come, I try keeping myself busy so as to avoid thinking but in vain. I try doing things that are supposed to having calming effect on the mind–all in vain. And then I go out for a walk. Behold, a child smiles and waves at me. And suddenly a fleeting smile shines timidly on my face. I am born again.

I can't help trying to understand life and I know the more I try, the more I will be perplexed by the complexities of this simple life.

Not a Blog Virgin

2006-12-05T11:47:00.000+05:30

I am not a blog virgin. I have been blogging under a pseudonym for some years now. And I have received reviews ranging from those smeared with cynicism and disapproval to silent understanding. Sometime back a friend of mine advised me to assume responsibility for my wriitngs. eh? That word sounds so foreign to me. My dear friend, my writings are not intended for the world to read, not for their critique or approval, not for being famous. I write for personal satisfaction. Whether someone reads and is influenced by my musings is trivial.

I have created this blog under my own name not to assume any responsibility. I detest the very idea you generously parted with. The only purpose of this blog is for my dear friends, who have long wondered about my blog, to catch a glimpse of my views on almost everything under the sun.

A delirious mind has been trying to figure out the concocted web of emotions and experiences that have been thrust upon me by dear life. And though I consider words are but crutches to paint the insipid hues, I must hold on for sanity.

All the views expressed here are my own, and I don't wish to debate.

You are free to make your own interpretations.